I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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