I'm drive I can fine osifer
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
