she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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