I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
