i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
