I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
