If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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