You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
