i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
