Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
