He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
