i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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