wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
