Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
