I forgot how hot balto sounded
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
