This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
