Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
