I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I could fuck to npr.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
