Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize