But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
