Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Bring me that man meat
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