I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
