when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
