i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
