she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
