After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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