im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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