Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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