Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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