Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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