the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
