I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
