if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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