i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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