I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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