Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
