I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
