I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
