you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
