This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
