the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
