I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize