just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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