Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
