Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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