So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Even my vagina gasped.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
