it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
