playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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