This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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