He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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