To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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