a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
