You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
