am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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