Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
