I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
