My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
