is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
