I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
