I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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