my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize