when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
