your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
