I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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