Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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