My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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