Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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