Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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