You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
