In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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