2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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