goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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