I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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