I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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