New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
