I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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