that's an acceptable place to lick
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
