I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
